Doesn't Help

I just thought I'd let you all know that masturbation does NOT help severe depression.

... At all. Not the first time, not the second time, and most certainly not the third when you're so damn raw that it actually hurts to strive for that last decent shot before bed.

Really, nothing helps, but that's the nature of depression- NOTHING MAKES IT BETTER. Nothing makes it easier, or more bearable. You just have to sit and suffer while everyone around you disappears because YOU FUCKED UP, MOTHERFUCKER.

You get to sit, and stew, and marinate in your own self-loathing, all the while becoming more and more cynical and pessimistic about life and all its "splendors." That in mind, depression hurts more every time it hits.

I used the word marinate a second ago... Your the steak, depression's the zesty sauce you're soakin' in. You suck it up, and suck it up, and suck it up, until you're just as full of hate and angst as you could possibly be, and then guess what? They eat you. They fuckin' cut into you with steak knives, chew you up, swallow you, and then SHIT YOU OUT because that's all you are to them. You're fodder. If it weren't for the fact that you can still labor for someone else, they would've done away with you SO damn long ago.

Eat or be eaten.

I tried drawing to distract myself. I made a "Suicide Board" on iScribble and started sketching cutting scenes, slit wrists, guns, shotgun suicides and the likes... It didn't make me feel any better, obviously, but it put me into a low sort of depressed-zen state. Even when you're depressed, you can still think clearly under the right conditions.

I don't know why I'm so incredibly nice to everyone, but it has to stop... I let people just sorta walk all over me... You need this? Take it. You wanna talk? My entire day just opened up. That sort of thing... Besides that, I play with photoshop. I've been losing weight because I haven't really been eating much at all, more out of apathy than just being sick of myself. I just don't really care, you know? And, despite my apathy, I know when I walk into college that first day at TSTC, I'm gonna give it my all... But for what? I don't even know... "I DON'T CARE!" I think that's my new catchphrase.

I just don't care.

I'm gonna go to bed... It's 5:22AM. If it were a weekday, mom and dad would already be up and on their way to work. I need to call Sonic around 2:00PM to see where I am on the schedule- I find it funny that he hasn't arranged training or anything, knowing that I've NEVER had a job before... I start college on Monday- tomorrow- and my first class is as early as 8:00AM, meaning I'll have to probably be awake by 6:30AM, cause I take long showers, and still have time to actually get to the school ('bout a half-hour), and then find where the fuck my classrooms are...

But I don't care. I really don't. Then why do I still worry? Why can't I just shut it off? Why can't someone just go in my head and fix me...?

By the way, Shade, sorry I suck so much ass that it makes everyone puke to look at me...

Shine wrote:I just thought I'd let you all know that masturbation does NOT help severe depression.

I DISAGREE!!!!!

Also, lulz at all the words about how much you hate yourself.

What happened?

DON'T KILL YOURSELF, OR THE TERRORISTS WIN!!!

Just thought i'd let you know that jobs like sonic have on the job training. they schedule you and they have you shadow a person until you can do it on your own. not really training day there.

secondly... im with tobi on the masturbation thing... it helps if only to tire you out so you can go to sleep XD

third, I think you do care and hate yourself for caring. I've been there before. I draw/write suicide things before it does put me in that state as well but it helps me with my feelings. I can put it on paper instead of really doing it.

forth, your going to give school your all because you know what for, to better yourself and finally get out of the shit hole your in. I know you haven't forgot yet have you?

next thing... before you were depressed and you didn't have a job or you weren't in school, now you have both. but you are still depressed. I think you need to think a little about why you truly are depressed. especially if what you were depressed about was fixed and you are still depressed. You should be happier at least. a job and education gets you a step further to getting out on your own and having a life.

For what its worth I'm proud of your success in finally getting out there and going to school and getting a job! I know its hard but try focusing on the good things instead of the bad things. Like atracts like, focus on what you want not what you dont want.

Woah...a chick saying she masturbates.

Hot.

In a odd gay way.

Anyway, being nice isn't bad. I'm nice.

I don't get walked on. EVER.

It's the way you act with people. Make them do stuff to you, to teach them that your the master. Sometimes, and just messen around, hurt them a bit, to show how your stronger.

That's how I do it, and it's worked well for me.