lolololololol

From PMs with The Oracle, because I thought you might all get a good laugh out of it.

It's not the fact that I can't get a job. More that I'm just so dependant on others, emotionally fragile. I'm compassionate enough that I worry about everyone else before myself, and then I regret it when everyone hates me, but then I feel guilty because I'm being selfish. I just wish I were completely cold and unfeeling. I wish I were responsible by nature. I wish I actually knew what the fuck I was talking about at any given point in my life. I wish I were anyone else but me. I don't even have the luxury of being insane. At least then I could feel guiltless. No, I have to be completely aware of how much I suck, and of how much I injure myself and my self-esteem with no particular reason. I'm not good at anything. I'm not particularly intelligent or talented. I missed my chance last year to get into TSTC because I'm lazy and irresponsible, and I'm still struggling to get in for January. Yeah, I am jobless. I'm broke. In a couple weeks, I'll be unable to even pay for gas. I don't go anywhere during the day. I'm just on the computer, or playing a game, or watching TV... I look for the story or the drama because I can't entertain myself at all. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing makes me grin, giggle, chuckle, smirk, or anything else that would constitute that elusive "good mood." I just keep myself occupied so I'm too distracted to cry or break something or burn something or hurt someone, because really, that's what I want more than anything. I just wanna fucking cry and destroy everything around me, but I can't, because I'd feel too damn guilty after. I'd regret it. I even regret going to college to do just what I wanted. I've always wanted to make videogames because that's all I've ever done, and now, I realize that I'm just going to be creating unhealthy mental and emotional escape routes for all the children like me that can't deal with the real world because they're just so damn fat, ugly, nasty, worthless, unloved, unwanted, and above all OVERHYPED.

I'm done.

If the truth hurts change it.

No... honestly I feel the same as you.

what you describe is something i could have wrote myself.

Every time i think, do or feel something i hate myself for it.

Its called caring too god damn much.

Are video games really fun, or is it that they let you forget yourself?

Life isn't concrete. If you don't like something, you can change it. Sometimes the methods needed may seem extreme, but there's always a small thing you can do every day to slowly alter the future. If the future was indeed written in stone, I really want to see that damned stone. I want to know if I actually make a successful video game developing company. I want to know if I finish all twelve games or so of Magi. I want to know if I ever complete NaNoWriMo, or even finish my novel from this year for that matter.

Everyone feels lost at some point, because human society is confusing and filled with unsaid rules. They key to survival is to figure out the core of the problem. The problem isn't you. The problem is what's around you.

Shit, five minutes of intelligence over. Back to sarcastic comments and hitting 'Random Item' on TVtropes.

in before Shiki or Tobi

Lord Ryu wrote:Are video games really fun, or is it that they let you forget yourself?

Life isn't concrete. If you don't like something, you can change it. Sometimes the methods needed may seem extreme, but there's always a small thing you can do every day to slowly alter the future. If the future was indeed written in stone, I really want to see that damned stone. I want to know if I actually make a successful video game developing company. I want to know if I finish all twelve games or so of Magi. I want to know if I ever complete NaNoWriMo, or even finish my novel from this year for that matter.

Everyone feels lost at some point, because human society is confusing and filled with unsaid rules. They key to survival is to figure out the core of the problem. The problem isn't you. The problem is what's around you.

Shit, five minutes of intelligence over. Back to sarcastic comments and hitting 'Random Item' on TVtropes.

in before Shiki or Tobi

D: *is in complete shock*

Lord Ryu wrote:Are video games really fun, or is it that they let you forget yourself?

Life isn't concrete. If you don't like something, you can change it. Sometimes the methods needed may seem extreme, but there's always a small thing you can do every day to slowly alter the future. If the future was indeed written in stone, I really want to see that damned stone. I want to know if I actually make a successful video game developing company. I want to know if I finish all twelve games or so of Magi. I want to know if I ever complete NaNoWriMo, or even finish my novel from this year for that matter.

Everyone feels lost at some point, because human society is confusing and filled with unsaid rules. They key to survival is to figure out the core of the problem. The problem isn't you. The problem is what's around you.

Shit, five minutes of intelligence over. Back to sarcastic comments and hitting 'Random Item' on TVtropes.

in before Shiki or Tobi

I'm reminded of the "Mind over matter" argument here.

Sure, what's around a lot of people is horrible, but a lot of people can come through more or less the same each and every day.

Mindset will have a lot to do with how many problems you have, even in the most problematic area, a good mindset can keep you from having a lot of problems.

The Oracle wrote:

Lord Ryu wrote:Are video games really fun, or is it that they let you forget yourself?

Life isn't concrete. If you don't like something, you can change it. Sometimes the methods needed may seem extreme, but there's always a small thing you can do every day to slowly alter the future. If the future was indeed written in stone, I really want to see that damned stone. I want to know if I actually make a successful video game developing company. I want to know if I finish all twelve games or so of Magi. I want to know if I ever complete NaNoWriMo, or even finish my novel from this year for that matter.

Everyone feels lost at some point, because human society is confusing and filled with unsaid rules. They key to survival is to figure out the core of the problem. The problem isn't you. The problem is what's around you.

Shit, five minutes of intelligence over. Back to sarcastic comments and hitting 'Random Item' on TVtropes.

in before Shiki or Tobi

I'm reminded of the "Mind over matter" argument here.

Sure, what's around a lot of people is horrible, but a lot of people can come through more or less the same each and every day.

Mindset will have a lot to do with how many problems you have, even in the most problematic area, a good mindset can keep you from having a lot of problems.

yeah it will keep you from going completely insane...

Basicly you need to keep a good mind set and work to get out of the bad situation your in.

I myself whent insane.

And you know, my feelings kinda died.

So, I read alot.

reading is a good escape

Yep.

In fact, I thank manga for most of it, due to the porn/pictures/story/NEVERENDINGSTREAMSOFIT.